Does marriage and, by extension, lifelong monogamy equate with monotony?
Marriage and its associated `happily ever after` image is just that - an image.

Relationships require hard work; more so with a marriage. Well-known local sex therapist Dr. Paul maintains: "Marriage is tough, and sex, like anything else, fluctuates between highs and lows. But monogamy has its rewards - like trust and the comfort of knowing someone so well that you can share your fantasies without the fear of rejection or ridicule."

Besides guarding against the complacency that can creep up in a marriage, it must also be understood that sex during marriage is not necessarily the same as sex prior to marriage. "Suddenly, there are interfering in-laws, financial concerns, work demands and (eventually) children needing to be fed and bathed," explains Dr. Paul. "None of this is conducive to feeling sexy, but occasionally, instead of fighting over whose turn it is to wash the dishes, try to force yourself to put the pestering problems aside and focus on turning the evening into something special."

Sex toys, sensuous massage, candlelit dinners and imaginative little surprises rank high on Dr. Paul`s list of recommendations to keep the spark alive. It`s about being creative, thinking laterally and, most importantly, being totally committed to each other. Dr. Paul is emphatic that problems are inevitable in any relationship, which is why couples need to seriously examine their motives for marriage beforehand.

"You need to admire each other`s qualities, enjoy a sense of companionship and intimacy to get the marriage off to a good start - and keep it that way," he advises. The way to ensure a successful marriage is through compromise. "There are two kinds of marriages: selfish marriages and selfless marriages. In a selfish marriage, each party is constantly thinking `What can I get out of it, what is he/she doing for me?` In a selfless marriage, the primary concern is pleasing the other partner, and in giving they receive so much."

Tips to keep him captivated:

• Look after yourself. Sexual attraction plays a big role in chemistry. Stay in shape, and you`ll be have him lusting after you just as he did before the wedding.
• Show your appreciation of him, rather than being critical or overly demanding.
  Plan clandestine trips to secluded resorts and seduce him in a tantalising piece of lingerie when you get there.
• Intoxicate him with his favourite perfume.
• Get inspired: have a candlelit bubble bath together while sipping champagne; watch an erotic movie; smother him in chocolate body paint; write him a love letter.
• Be quirky; be your best self.

  Article source: LifeWorld