In only forty years, marriage has made significant progress. The domestic breed previously referred to as `housewife` is now on the endangered species list, heading steadily for extinction. We chart the changes and discover some real reasons to be cheerful.

In the 1960s, women the world over set their brassieres ablaze in a defiant gesture of independence. They marched for the vote. They protested vehemently against their subservient status. They demanded the right to make choices regarding their own bodies - especially where such issues as birth control and abortion were concerned. Then they returned home to find their husbands waiting impatiently for a hot meal.

While some small victories were indeed won, Women`s Rights - like Rome and anything else worthwhile - could not be built in a day. Especially when Home Economics textbooks, shrouded in the dust of 39 years, sternly instructed schoolgirls not only on how to care for delicate fabrics, but also `delicate` husbands. How ironic that the following extract, taken from a classic of the time, should be resurrected on the internet`s World Wide Web*, itself the very epitome of progress:

"Do not greet him with problems or complaints," the textbook admonishes, (as if the slightest hint of imperfection on his wife`s part would prove devastating). "Do not protest if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through at the office that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a snug armchair, or suggest that he lies down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Have his newspaper ready and neatly folded. Speak in a low, soft pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind."

Thank goodness things are different in the nineties! And credit is due in no small measure to our dogs, that have learnt to perform the perfunctory tasks of retrieving newspapers and slippers! We, in turn, have steered our minds from pillow-plumping to true partnership.

When Woman set out to re-invent herself, it was inevitable that marriage would also receive a facelift. Aprons were readily exchanged for lap-top computers with typical finesse; preconceived stereotypes were flipped head-over-heels; and the Great Divide that existed between public and private, between housekeeper and householder, was greatly diminished. Rather than emulate men, women have gone on to carve their own niche in the marketplace.

Suddenly, instead of being barefoot breeding machines labouring industriously in the kitchen, we`ve emerged as diverse beings with brains and aspirations to match. Whereas tertiary academic institutions were once the privileged and exclusive domain of men, universities estimate that females presently constitute approximately half the student body. Businesses, too, have learnt to appreciate the benefits of women in the workforce, and many corporations have even established créches on their premises to accommodate the children of working mothers. Not surprisingly, this new breed of educated, career-oriented women is not likely to be relegated to a life of domesticity without a struggle. So, naturally, the traditional dynamics between `man and wife` have had to adjust accordingly.

To a large extent, popular culture can be held responsible for revolutionising relation-ships. Life imitates art as, symbiotically, art imitates life. Although the media has still not freed women from stereotypes entirely, (we are still assaulted by a multitude of images dictating what we should look like, and how we should behave), the icons projected have catapulted women into new and uncharted territories.

Madonna and Margaret Thatcher are, perhaps, extreme examples. As public figures that so blatantly defy prescribed stereotypes, they are either admired or abhorred. Yet, regardless of the varied responses they evoke, we cannot ignore their impact with regards to sexual liberation and political empowerment respectively.

Movies and television programmes are also expounding the virtues of new-age relationships. In When Harry Met Sally, the two protagonists interact without either being confined to roles of pursuer or pursued. Sally`s episode in the restaurant tempted women around the world to respond: "I`ll have what she`s having". Sexual liberation was, indeed, a new and exciting dish on the menu!

The film, Shirley Valentine, showed that a marriage without support and appreciation is far from eternal. Shirley`s sojourn in Greece symbolises her own voyage of discovery, jolting her husband into the realisation that she, too, is entitled to make choices. Choices that revolve around issues more critical than steak or egg and chips. Similarly, on the small screen, programmes such as Mad About You reveal that men do have vulnerabilities, a fact that they would never have admitted to a generation or two ago.

Encouraged by all these new-age trends and philosophies, I elected to investigate the matter further. Turning to an indisputably new-age resource, the Internet, I found the online chatrooms the perfect platform for separating the fables from the facts.

"We don`t put up with the garbage our grandmothers used to," retorts `SandraD`. "We`re not docile little women. We speak our minds. Men may not like it, but at least the relationship is more honest." Despite this, she admits that their relationship is still a shade away from being truly equal. "Sure, my husband helps out with the washing and cooking, but he still expects a round of applause or a backrub in return."

"We no longer set out to marry millionaires - we become them," states another chatter emphatically. "Our function has shifted from perpetual incubator to significant decision-maker."Such empowerment in spheres outside of the home have apparently created a more balanced dynamic within the relationship. Billie, a veteran of the sixties, confirms it: "When women used to talk about goals, their ideas were dismissed by men. Now we are taken more seriously. Work has not only empowered us financially, it has also provided a boost for our self-esteem."

Ultimately, men are affected by the changes, too. Mothers and wives can no longer afford to foster incapable men of the couch-potato variety, because they have more serious matters to consider than Tuesday night`s menu. Subsequently, men have made remarkable discoveries on the homefront - most are even able to differentiate between the sink and the oven!

In addition, a handful of men are electing to become househusbands - working from home or simply staying at home to care for their offspring while their wives are at the office. The pressure of being sole breadwinner has been somewhat lessened. So perhaps the upshot of our spirited declaration of independence is that it has also freed men from society`s gender-biased shackles.

Despite this, dual-income status is still not automatically equated with dual-housework for many men, it seems. While most of the online chatters agreed that their spouses participate in household chores far more than their fathers did, some duties were still considered `female-only`. "By definition, men are immune to mess," states Jan, a computer programmer from Ohio. "You have to pick your battles. And although we may never triumph in some areas, there are plenty of aspects that I am only too happy to write off as part of a man`s domain. I must confess, when there`s hard-core labour or maintenance to be done, I make myself scarce. So it`s only fair that I do the laundry." `Sharing`, it would appear, is the catchword for relationships in the nineties.

Continued in The Evolution of Marriage 2 of 2...

Article source: LifeWorld