Inviting a child to participate in your wedding retinue is like hedging your bets at the races or hazarding a guess on the future of South Africa`s economy. Unpredictability goes with the territory. And while you can remain optimistic (or simply bribe them with chocolate on the sly), chances are you may get a little less than their most cherubic behaviour on your special day.

Despite their unpredictable nature, you cannot help picturing your pint-sized niece adorably wrapped in frothy lace and frills. (Besides, you`ll have her doting mother to contend with, should you dare exclude her.) Not that we mean to deter you. After all, the darling little creatures do occasionally have endearing attributes. But consider yourself warned . . .
Children have been known to inflict sharp, piercing blows of embarrassment on their parents, the bride and anyone else that makes the fatal mistake of crossing their paths on the big day. If you get really lucky, little Suzy will merely stick out her tongue stubbornly each time the photographer implores her to say "cheese". But the stories for which children can lay their greatest claim to `fame` - the very stories that leave their parents slack-jawed with shame - are made of far greater calamities. It seems as though anyone who has ever attended a wedding has an extraordinary tale to tell.

One legendary story is of a little pageboy who was nowhere in sight when the time came for him to toddle down the aisle. A search party was sent out immediately and, within minutes, the three-year old fugitive was found. Knee-deep in a nearby pond, he innocently explained that the aforementioned puddle was brimming with fish ripe for the catching.

Wesley, a four-year old paragon of pageboy properness, managed to hold out until just before the ceremony was over. But the ceremony seemed infinitely long... and marriage, he decided, was not all it was cut out to be. He summed it up by promptly announcing to a bemused congregation, "I`m bored."

Then there`s the tale of Tyler, whose quest for knowledge led him into dangerous territory. When he first laid eyes on the radiant bride, he couldn`t resist investigating the cause of the bulge beneath the rear of her dress. True to the character of a natural crusader, the child went on an expedition to discover exactly why the unfortunate girl was in such bad form. Needless to say, she blushed slightly more than usual when Tyler burrowed intently under her dress - only to find himself trapped under layers of petticoat.

But if, as the little rhyme suggests, you can blame a little boy`s mischief on all thing yucky - `frogs and snails and puppydog tails` - it would be a grave mistake to assume that their female counterparts are always as `innocent` as `sugar and spice and all things nice`. Do not be deceived, however cute the exterior . . .

During the elaborate ceremony of a well-to-do family, the groom, when told to kiss the bride, took on his duty with the utmost vigor. In fact, the kiss was so long and passionate that Pamela, an `angelic` little flowergirl, grew exceedingly concerned. When she couldn`t bear the suspense any longer, she turned to scan the rows of guests for her mother. "Mummy," she eventually gasped out loud, "are they stuck?"

And if one pageboy or flower girl is not enough, a pair will provide `double-trouble.` A little sister and brother (niece and nephew to a glamorous bride) were charged with the roles of flowergirl and pageboy respectively. This story takes the proverbial cake, for these agents of mischief, once dressed in their formal and ever-so-costly attire, proceeded to the garage directly after the photographs were taken - but before the ceremony. Their voyage of discovery soon paid off. In a web-infested corner, a large barrel of enamel paint was found - its shade, a delightful fire-engine red hue. A battle soon ensued over the rights to the accompanying paintbrush. Between the digging of elbows and pinching of flesh, paint was splattered everywhere in a shade that clashed none too subtly with the bride`s desired retinue colour. When they emerged, a good dousing with turpentine did little to alleviate the anxieties of their understandably unimpressed family. A wedding day calamity of note - but the story is still told at dinner parties over twenty years later!

Alas, children cannot be depended on for consistency. Nevertheless, our hearts are guaranteed to melt when a tiny tyke in formal wear makes his or her way clumsily down the aisle, concentration etched on its precious face. Admittedly, they are irresistibly sweet and sure to elicit an infectious chorus of ooh`s and aah`s from your guests. Naughty but nice, they also make the affair that little bit more light-hearted and fun. So, if you desperately want them to participate in your wedding day, by all means do so, just keep a stock of chocolates close at hand - bribery does have its place at such times! And besides, even if they do add a bit of circus-value to your performance, you can always take consolation in the fact that one day, in the years to come, some child will take revenge on your behalf - by causing havoc on their special day!

Article source: LifeWorld